This is a very dramatic song. It talks about fighting for “the truth” and all the steps the listener should go through to do so — though I have no idea what that truth is supposed to be. Seriously, this song could be about anything. White supremacy. Furries. Ghosts. Drywall construction techniques.
Beyond the singers, dressed like they’re auditioning for the sequel to We Stand in the Shadows, there’s also the guy in Khal Drogo cosplay who manages to entertain me constantly by how afraid he is of that sword he’s swinging around. I really hope this was the first rehearsal.
Sadly, it doesn’t matter how many rehearsals this group gets in, because Romania has been disqualified from participating in Eurovision this year for not paying their dues. Perhaps we should have a… moment of silence. (See what I did there?)
And speaking of things no will see, for the first time the Eurovision finals will be televised live in the US, on Logo TV.
Latvia, a country found between Lucbessonistan and Wongkarwaivania, offers us this chilling vision of someone in George Michael circa 1987 cosplay getting kidnapped by someone in Diary of a Lost Girl cosplay. The kidnappee then dances in front of a mirror in a concrete cell in what I can only describe as the world’s saddest rave.
Italian Kristen Stewart doesn’t seem very happy to be in the box. Also, Italian FedEx is wildly inefficient.
I have no idea what’s going on this video, but I think at the end not-Robyn was called away to Carousel.
This is not my favorite Eurovision entry from my favorite fake-sounding-but-real European country (that would be this one), but as Eurovision songs go, I kinda like it. I’m not sure how the “learn” in “I will help you learn how to fly” got lost on the way to the title.
On Monday Ivan made the news with the claim that he intends to perform the song at Eurovision naked and with actual wolves. As far as I can tell that isn’t going to happen, for all the reasons: animals aren’t allowed on stage, nudity isn’t allowed on the broadcast, and Ivan is irresistibly delicious to former apex predators.
It’s possible Ivan is joking about the whole performing naked thing. If you look through the video feed of the organization that handles Belarus’ entry into Eurovision there are a bunch of humorous videos staring Ivan, so maybe that’s his schtick.
The Ford Mustang with right-hand drive is a great metaphor for this whole video. It’s trying to capture the edgy, in-your-face attitude of American products like xXx and The Fast and the Furious, but something’s a little off.
Songs have taught us a lot about love over the years. Love is a battlefield. Love is free. Love is God. Love is blue. Love is a secret. Love can’t be hurried. Love has many splendors. Love has a greater viscosity than water. Love is has no determinate locations, but it’s close to your current location. Love comes in big, hunk, and burning portions. Love can be lost, sometimes along with the associated feeling. Love is a binding agent. Love has a very low cost, sometimes less than a thing. Love is even itself a song.
But here we have a song that dares to examine hypothetical attributes of love. What if love were a crime? Well, this song tells us:
If love was a crime then we would be criminals
Locked up for life but I’ll do the time
Okay, that makes sense. Then it follows up:
If love was a crime then we would work miracles
High above the ground
I’m… not sure that follows.
So yeah, I’m disappointed that this song does nothing to follow through with the metaphor. I mean c’mon, songwriters, commit to your metaphors! The following song should be the model.